At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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