I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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