he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
