I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Ambien. No doubt about it.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
