wrigley field is MILF paradise
North Korea, Best Korea!
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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