just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
