I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
