So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
