So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
