I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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