i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
