I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
