come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
as a side note pls kill me
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
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