Christians are straight up FREAKS
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
The feeling are messing with the penis
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Randomize
