I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize