some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
