Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
