Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
