imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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