fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
