you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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