You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
