I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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