I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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