I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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