I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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