I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
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