So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
