Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Randomize
