There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Randomize
