either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
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