I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
These tits shall not be calmed
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