Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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