so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
