matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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