Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
