Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
She even gives head with a lisp.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I did not marry a roomba.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
