josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
