there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
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