i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
