Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
