You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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