i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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