Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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