Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
