he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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