you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize