I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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