Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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