I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
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