I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
