Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize