Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
