Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
