That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
