Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
