dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
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