So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
