i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
