i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
