She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Randomize
