its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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