You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Two words: blizzard sex
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
