you would pick up someone in the library
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
