You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
