If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
