Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
