Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Randomize
