I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
