I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Randomize
