Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
