Those balls look pretty dangerous.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Couch. On fire.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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