she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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