Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
