I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
