we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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