Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
