Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I got inside last night via doggy door
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
