thus making me awesome and them whores
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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