Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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