I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
