You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Randomize
