Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize