Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
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