Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Randomize
