Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
