My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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