The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
