I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Randomize
