If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
