My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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