I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Randomize