She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
