My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
