hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
