wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
